• Elden Ring or How To Be Hated By Everyone

    Reading Time: 10 minutes

    It’s not a secret that I’m a huge fan of Dying Light and Dying Light 2. Those are one of my most favorite games and I’m ready to play them for as long as I can. Even if Haran and Viledor have no secrets anymore, I remember both cities by heart, and there’s not much to do. What can I say? I’m a sucker for unique games.

    Elden Ring is one of those games. Open world Dark Souls. That’s how you can describe Elden Ring. And I love it. This is the best RPG I ever played. It has everything I ever wanted: good plot, memorable characters, epic boss fights, breathtaking views. It has it all and the reason why I decided to write about it is because I finished it not so long ago (perhaps back in March) and I am still under impression.

    I’ll start with the simple fact – Elden Ring is probably the easiest game in the Souls series. I think this is the first game where leveling up turns you into a weapon of mass destruction. You can take it from me since I finished the game around level 204 and the final boss wasn’t much of a challenge. In fact, even Malenia wasn’t too hard. I beat her on 4th or 5th try (and all those tries were related to kicking her ass during the first stage, during the second one, surprisingly she had no chance). So yeah, leveling up works here. It turns you into a beast who can beat the crap out of even the most dangerous creatures. My wild guess is that by the level 200 your character turns into a demigod or godlike entity full of hatred and silent resentment to everyone and everything alive.

    The plot? Well, I liked it. I won’t describe it because I’m still not sure what exactly it was, but I liked it. It gives you a sense of purpose. Like you’re this dude who gets in those lands after all the fun happened, I think this is one of the first post-apocalyptic fantasy games I saw (well, technically all Souls games are like that), and the only thing he has to do is to try and do his best to solve the mess. To the best of your judgement and skills. Only your character has poor judgement and no real skills except pathological murder tendencies.

    With this predisposition, you’re going on the dangerous adventure over the vast lands, breathtaking views and messed up inhabitants. Meet even more messed up individuals, some of which you can even call your friends (until they die, go insane, or both). And have a good time in general.

    And regarding the good time. It all depends on the way you see yourself in this game and how you play it. If you’re hellbent on perfection and playing ‘like it was intended’ you’re in for a bad time. If you’re after a crazy experience and you’re ready to use everything at your disposal to get an upper hand in encounters, you’re probably going to enjoy it more. At least I did.

    The thing is, I started playing it as my usual character, John Isekai. And John Isekai came to this world wearing nothing but G-string, carrying a club, and sporting a mass of toxic green hair supported by three-o’clock stubble, killer 6-pack and lats pumped to perfection. And even though skill-wise he was completely useless, all aforementioned traits of character turned him into a bait for a maiden. Who found him worthy of her friendship. And that’s how the journey of John Isekai started.

    On a more serious note, I knew what I was doing. Yes, my character looked like a hero straight from Sexualobster (I think he changed his name to Greasy Tales) cartoons and was useless in the beginning, but that’s because I had a plan. And the plan was simple. To invest all the points into three major skills: life, stamina and strength. Everything else didn’t matter. Only those three. Next part of my plan was to get my hands on the meanest giant axe I could find. And I found it almost at the beginning of the game after taking over a caravan towed by two giants and followed by a merry crowd of future victims of swift, but brutal, execution.

    Equipped with an axe and putting all my points into only three attributes, I crushed my opposition. The bosses turned out pretty easy, too. Yes, I had troubles here and there, but as soon as I upgraded my character and started dressing him in heavy armor while keeping Medium Load-out, his survivability increased tremendously. Yes, he looked like a giant iron potato, but I couldn’t give a damn. He kicked ass and could take some beating.

    Everything else was absolutely unnecessary for me until the late game. And yes, I managed to go through the 75% of the game, kill major bosses including the giant space-centipede who isn’t very melee-friendly, and progress the plot using nothing but my giant axe that I found at the beginning of the game.

    The moment I realized that my build is somewhat inferior was when I met the snake-dude, who was some sort of god-eater. You see, FromSoftware loves to include bosses who are vulnerable to some specific epic weapon. In this case, it was some sort of special spear with a magic attack that dealt a crazy amount of damage to the snake. Me being me, I still wanted to take my chances with an axe. And let me tell you something, killing the first stage was no big deal, even with lava and all. Somehow, my character managed to cut his way through even standing knee-deep in lava. But when the talking son-of-a-bitch appeared as the second boss, I had no chance in close encounter.

    That’s when I realized I needed help. Now, if you followed me for some time, you are probably aware that I’m not a huge fan of multiplayer or co-op. I enjoy playing solo. And Elden Ring wasn’t an exception. So, instead of summoning other players, I found a workaround.

    Elden Ring has a system called Ashes of War (note: I am wrong, it isn’t called Ashes of War; it is called some other way, but right now I’m too lazy to double check it). It is basically a summoning spell of specific units that appear when you need to fight bosses or go through tough areas. Among them there’s one interesting thing called Mimic Tear. It is basically a clone of the character with all the equipment, skills, and other crap, only much-much-much more sturdy than you are. And the best, you’re paying with your HP instead of MP (and as you can guess, my MP wasn’t high enough to summon top-tier ashes).

    So, when I discovered that and upgraded my clone to the absolute maximum, it turned out that the giant snake was just a beating bag. My clone is one scary and brain-dead dude. Even more pathologically lethal than the main character. But about it a bit latter. Now about the snake.

    When the snake-god kicked the bucket and I got access to his sword (blasphemy sword or something like that), I decided to check out the internet to see the potential. Turns out this stuff is pretty OP. It has a strong magic attack and in general every your strike besides being physical also deals fire damage. Also, it restores your HP after killing enemies. This was epic. I felt like I was onto something and I wasn’t wrong.

    The only problem, it required Faith, the skill I didn’t upgrade at all. So it took me some grinding and finding the best spawn-points to get my faith level that would let me operate the weapon to the absolute maximum. Which I did. And I also used this one point with sleeping dudes that considered a bit cheating, but in my defense, I didn’t use jumping glitch too much. Maybe when I needed an extra few skill-points and didn’t want to waste too much time killing sleeping dudes.

    Anyway, once I got the required faith level (I also went a bit overboard with it) and also found the right modifier to it (there’s this thing I read about that you hold in your non-dominant hand to buff faith), I was all set. And that’s where the game became a little too easy.

    Just imagine this: all of a sudden you start one-shot the majority of your enemies. Those you don’t one-shot you kill without any real problem, too. The only enemies that present some kind of challenge are Iron Maidens (those things on wheels that try to abduct you), crystal dudes (you have to hit them for a while before they crack), and those enemies who have a damn good fire resistance. Everyone else is basically fucked in direct encounter and their only chance is to kill you before you have a chance to retaliate (actually banished knights and rotten knights were good at this).

    Now add to this clone with the exact same build. My clone was one serious trooper. He could take the entire fast attack move set by Malenia and she wouldn’t take out even 1/4 of his HP. The dude was crazy. At times it felt like he could solo bosses like they were regular mobs. And when I summoned him, I let the bosses taste the very same thing they treated me with. Yes, I’m talking about the times when bosses just came in pairs to fuck you up (talking about those two damn gargoyles in the underground; it took me actually 20 if not 30 tries to get them, somehow, those two gargoyles were the hardest bosses for me in the entire game and almost made me rage-quit once).

    And yes, I know some might say that I didn’t play fair; you have to do it strictly solo without using OP weapons (better if lvl 10, naked and with dagger), but hear me out. I’m 100% sure I could beat this game with my axe and heavy armor (the Ram armor, to be precise, the heaviest armor that gives you 100 stance, even though my favorite heavy armor is Lionheart’s that looks like a giant iron potato), after all, I went through some of the hardest bosses without using anything but regular and strong attacks. No buffs, no summons, nothing. Just very strong guy who can take a lot of abuse and give some in return. The clone and the sword just made the game more pleasant in the end. Also added some sort of interaction, because whenever things got tough, I could always fall back on my trusty clone who will get my back and save my ass.

    What else? Maybe about the world itself. I don’t think I’ll say something no one ever heard before, because Elden Ring has a magnificent world. It’s full of life and attention to details, every zone is memorable and has its own charm, even though I can say that I enjoyed less chaotic/demonic parts of the game. Somehow the regular fantasy environment with castles, vast open spaces, human enemies feel mesmerizing. I mean, I really enjoyed being part of this world, seeing armies that belong to different sides clash, the traveling nobles looking for something only to fall victims of others, or stumbling upon a village of crazy dancing lasses. All those things just make you want to be there and enjoy your stay.

    The change of day cycle only adds to the immersion because you can meet different enemies at different time and traveling at night might end up badly after you face some nocturnal boss unprepared (happened to me more than once, I was running around sure nothing bad might happen when all of a sudden black horseman appeared and messed me up).

    I don’t know how they did that, but somehow they managed to combine both up-beat feeling of being part of this world, like there’s some fairy-tale, yet at the same time convey the feeling of despair and dead end of the entire civilization where even gods gave up on everything. On one hand, you have this giant Eldtree, that glows at day and at night and somehow it comforts every time you see it. Like yes, the world is going insane, dragons on the loose, gods are mad and violent, armies of undead roam the lands, but then there’s this giant tree, like the last beacon of whatever good and bright was left in this forsaken world. And seeing it gives you a tiny ray of hope that maybe there’s still a chance left.

    That’s why the most climatic moment that involves Eldtree (no-spoilers) feels really important and changes the mood of the game completely. Like before that, you were full of hopes and this giant glowing tree illuminated your pass, gave you a clear purpose and goal. Again, while the world went insane, you still believed that there was a better future for it. But once you pass the point of no return, you realize that getting where you want, some serious sacrifices have to be made and were already made and from there you have only to soldier through and let whatever happens happen. The atmosphere itself turns grim and hopeless, and the last 1/3 of the game just soaked in this despair and ‘no easy way out’ sort of approach. Where there’s no right choice and in some way every choice is wrong and you, as a nameless hero, can only hope that whatever you’re going to do, it won’t make things worse than they are now. Yep, came for the fun and stayed for the plot. At one point, I even felt that the green, glorious hair of my hero was a major distraction.

    And talking about distractions. Bosses here are weird. I mean, there aren’t this many obligatory bosses you have to zero. Basically, to finish the game I think you have to kill two shardbearers, one nasty dude on the bridge (the first real boss you meet), his brother, the sucker on the horse who guards the capital (I don’t remember whether you have option to go past him without fighting or not), the ghost of the first Elden lord, the flame giant, the duo of godskin suckers, one beast-dude, one old dude who looked like the ghost of the first Elden lord, and after that I think you’re going to finale. Might sound like a lot, but it actually isn’t considering how actually fast both you and boss can die. But those bosses are obligatory. All other bosses are there to make you suffer. And there’s a lot of them.

    If I’m not mistaken, there are around 160 bosses in the game. Majority of them, unfortunately, copy-pasted, so don’t be surprised if you’re going to meet the same dude here and there with a slightly different name but the same attack set and appearance. This moment felt a bit cheap. Besides that, there’re a lot of unique bosses like dragons, each with their unique traits and skills, knights, demons, creatures from the outer space (of course, we can’t talk about Elden Ring and Souls games without mentioning space horror) locked in the deepest caves of the lands we traverse. In fact, chances are you’re going to face bosses involuntarily just by going from point A to point B (and if you know how to follow the markers on the map, the games turn out to be pretty straightforward). What is cool, actually, is that you can just say, screw it, and run away from the majority of optional bosses. Yep, no longer you’re locked behind the fog of war with no means to escape (talking about open-world encounters, obviously). So dragons, death birds, knights, and other roaming threats aren’t threats anymore.

    Something else? Well, I can say that I really like this game. As of the end of my first play through, I think I did all the major quests except the Frenzy Fire (I found the doors and talked to the maiden who asked me not to do it, and I listened and let her do her thing instead of doing my thing and saving her in a long run), and this cannibalistic red phantom (I found him, but misunderstood what I had to do next and decided to kill him because he talked too tough for a guy who died in less than a minute). Also, I fucked up my ending because I finished the questline with Ranni the Witch, and killed Malenia after I beat the last boss and chose the ending. Thus went with the most basic ending where you just sit on the throne like a messed up psycho you are. My wild guess, if I get it right, ending with Ranni’s ending would result in her calling the shots while you just sit on the throne and go ballistic whenever the circumstances require it. Which sounds like a much better outcome to the world. After all, she’s the wise one (which is also a questionable statement), while you are just a walking casualty generator.

    So far, that’s all I wanted to say. I know I barely touched on the subject and ignored the entire plot and basically this entry turned out a lengthy bragging session of how cool I am. But hey, it is what it is.