So, the Wrong Turn franchise. The horror movie series of god knows how many of them. It was good in the beginning, I think, inspired massively by The Hills Have Eyes, Friday 13, and some other immortal classics of horror cinema. Yet I’m writing about the Wrong Turn.
I was already in school, I think, 5th grade or something like that, when I first saw The Wrong Turn. The first movie was the best one. I saw it at my friend’s place, he (or maybe it was she? Who knows, who cares, let’s move on) had it on the DVD. This movie was one of those rare cases of horror movies hitting the silver screen. I lived near the movie theatre, and every time walking to and from school had a chance to behold the giant posters with all the new blockbusters. The Wrong Turn was one of them.
Anyway, long story short, I liked the movie. Of course, I was disappointed with the ending, mainly because some city fuckboy driving Mustang believed in himself (without even listening to Eye of the Tiger) and took on the whole family of rough-neck armed to-the-teeth hillbilly mutant-cannibal super-brothers. It seemed like one of those – obligatory happy endings. Oh, man, little did I know we’re about to enter the era of bad endings, where every movie, series, or something in between has to have an obligatory death of the main hero for shock purposes. Doesn’t matter, let’s just accept it as it is and move on (want to see a good ending? Read my book, it’s not much, but it has a good ending… or sort of good ending… I don’t know, I have to re-read it).
I liked it. Even back then had a lot of questions about logic, but I also understood one simple thing: it’s a work of fiction. I just had fun. It was long ago, and I wasn’t bitter grown up yet. I liked the characters, I mean, they were a number of obligatory tropes – fuckboy, fuckgirl, good girl, good boy (he’s also takes upon himself the role of the fuckboy on Mustang who believed in himself and also the guy who had fucking map right in front of his nose and took… here it comes… the wrong turn), average Joe and Jane. Make a wild guess who survives.
The cannibal side, on the other hand, was represented by three hardcore mil-sim fans – the big bro (the leader), the middle bro (the one who drives the car), and the little bro (aka the guy they send in first for suicidal and plain dangerous tasks). Well-balanced family, after all, I would say. My friends who have siblings told me that’s pretty much how the distribution of responsibilities in real families happened. Very natural. I liked it.
Then, when the second movie rolled out, I had to see it. Of course, this time, it wasn’t this big, and instead of a horror-thriller where you don’t see villains for 80% of the screen time, now it was a gory horror-slasher in broad daylight. And it wasn’t shown in the theaters (at least not where I lived). Still, I watched it. And well, I loved it. I mean, yeah, it was dumb and predictable, but I loved it.
This time it was your average slasher with an obligatory set of soon-to-be victims – chad, nerd, whore, virgin, emo-goth dude or chick, black guy, and ex-commando. And, of course, with an obligatory family of murderous cannibals (now there were also women, for incest/procreation purposes and also to show that love could be in all shapes, forms, and sizes) – dad, mom, son, sister, and creepy uncle (aka the little brother from the first movie). And I can’t emphasize enough – creepy uncle is creepy even by cannibal standards. He lives separately from the family, and apparently, the family isn’t a big fan of him. Here comes the obligatory joke about this one creepy uncle who gets drunk at family gatherings and does dumb tricks with chainsaws to impress the kids.
Anyway, the movie was alright. Dumb, but alright. I liked the gore, the special effects, cannibals now acted like your average cannibal family from the Hills Have Eyes remake (I don’t know what came out first, and I’m too lazy to google). That’s alright. Also, perhaps it was the first horror movie I saw where a black character not just not died first but also survived and kicked some serious ass. Another kick-ass black dude who did it was the guy from The Night of the Living Dead (I think I got it right, one of the first movies, black and white, where he’s tough as nails lead character who assumes the leadership role in the hard times, also gets killed by a bunch of hillbillies – let’s be honest they shot him not because he was zombie, they knew what they’ve done, alright?).
Then the third movie came out. Eh… it was bad. Something about cannibals against hardcore criminal dudes. I don’t remember the movie at all besides one scene taken straight from the 80s movie – hardcore criminal dude and creepy uncle (by this time, the uncle became an immortal force of nature able to take a full shotgun blast point blank and live; too stubborn to die, you may say) are going to settle their dispute over who has the moral right to behead the cannibal-nephew. Both are armed with sharp objects, both ruthless killing machines, and both are capable fighters. To save you from all unnecessary details – creepy uncle kills the hardcore criminal dude and eats his brain to add to the offense, alright? But it was a good scene, a nice scene, the one that stayed with me after all those years. Cheesy? Yes. Unnecessary? Completely. But was it the high spot of the otherwise terrible movie? Yeah, of course.
And after that, the franchise was rather dead than alive. I don’t remember how many of those movies I saw. I just tried to watch them because, well, I was an edgy teenager hellbent on horror movies, and it was the way.
I think the fourth one was a prequel (very popular after Texas Chainsaw Beginning or something like that, I believe) about how the three heroes from the first movie – the big bro, the middle bro, and the little bro – were stuck in some psychic ward doing all kinds of freaky shit. I remember it had a lot of unnecessary gore, some torture-porn, and other shock-content stuff for a sole purpose only – wow, it’s so gruesome, gory, and hardcore! The plot is not even trying to be somewhat logical anymore. Just another group of dumb teenagers went to the secluded mental asylum to fuck around and find out. Since it’s a prequel, it’s not a spoiler that none of them survived to tell the story.
The fifth was a continuation of the prequel. All of a sudden, three brothers are celebrities, and the whole little town celebrates hillbilly brothers (their fucking name, alright?) day. And those hillbilly brothers decide to go down and do their thing. Basically, murdering and torturing everyone In the nearest proximity in the most bizarre and horrific way. American cop who doesn’t know how to use a gun is also there.
As you can see, starting from the third movie, the series was dead. They turned into boring, predictable slasher flicks that did their best to gross you out. No more suspense, no more thriller part (even the second movie still had some of those, because predominantly creepy uncle was doing all the shit, while the rest of the family was like, oh, shit, again those paparazzi, pa go get your morning steroids shot, we’re going killing again) only torture and violence.
Now, I hate being this kind of guy, BUT! But torture porn is boring. Let’s be honest, it’s an analog of those low-budget jump-scare games you play once, get your quick fix of adrenaline, potential heart disease in the future, and never return again. Cheap scares. And I don’t know about other viewers, but I love characters to have at least some kind of logic behind their actions.
Being murderous psycho-killer enjoying dismembering still-alive people isn’t logic. If something, it’s not even a trait of the character. It’s just a failed attempt at being evil without doing any extra work. It got really old after the first Hostel movie.
The first movie was actually scary because of how pragmatic they were (besides the ending where they suddenly decided to kidnap the good girl, so the good guy had a reason to man up and do some ass-kicking). Those three brothers were hunters, survivors, they didn’t kill people just because it was a fun time in their perverted world. They did this for food and to secure the place, making sure no one would be there to tell the story. They used deliberate traps, used guns, and cars. In fact, if I’m not wrong, the only brain-dead psycho there was – the little brother, aka the creepy uncle (once again, talking to the real families with two-three male siblings confirmed this was an expected outcome – brain dead younger sibling turns out to be this creepy uncle). Two others were terrifyingly sane and consistent in their actions. That’s what made them scary for a kid. They weren’t there to torture or make you suffer because that’s how we’re rolling in the woods, but to do something much-much-much more terrifying – kill you in the most efficient, silent, and fast way. Nothing personal, no hatred, the same way professional hunters who have to put food on their table kill a deer or a boar. It looked the same way.
So, where I’m going at? Smart horror movies with some dose of gore and unrealism. It’s a shame to see this prominent franchise die out just like that. Become a quick cash grab and maybe someone’s money laundering scheme.
I heard they were going to restart the franchise or even restarted it. But to be honest, there is most likely zero chance I would watch the new movie.